Many men (and sometimes women) who are interested in getting into the hotwife lifestyle seek our advice for introducing their partner into the lifestyle. While an MFM experience is a wonderful extracurricular activity and the allure of seeing her with another man can be exhilarating, you must proceed with extreme caution. These rules apply to couples seeking other couples too...something we've decided to partake in (on occasion, though, we still prefer mFm encounters).
1) Don't Push
This is a dangerous approach to exploring the hotwife lifestyle...knowing that your partner may not be up to it quite yet. Do not push your partner into doing anything she or he (I dislike that everyone always seems to write 'he' before 'she' LOL) is not totally comfortable doing. This will only cause problems in your relationship.
If you wish to get her interested, we always say, start by sitting down and talking to her about your hotwife fantasy. Show her a adult personals website like
Adultfriendfinder or, perhaps, a website of a local swing club. You might suggest to her that you can start on a couples dating site, like
Kasidie, and see what happens. If she shows interest, you are off to a great start...but take it very slowly. If she shows no interest, back off and allow her to process what you've just asked. You can't expect her to go right from posting an ad to meeting a guy for an mFm. Ask her to spend some time online looking at profiles or asking if, perhaps, she would like to go to a club just to watch sometime. Take small steps and don't push to hard too fast. That leads us to point number two.
2) Take It Slow
As excited as you may be about her interest in becoming a hotwife, it is best to step back and ascertain the best way for you both to enter the lifestyle comfortably. Your partner may require extensive time and exposure to feel at ease with this idea. Shed may question your motive. She may ask herself "am I not enough?" "does he just want to sleep with other women?" Remember, many people hold misconceptions about what being a hotwife means and she or he may need this time and experience to help clear up misunderstandings. Communicate!
If you do both show interest in taking it further than online exploration, try attending a pressure-free event, such as a 'meet and greet' or a 'theme party'. Make it clear that neither of you are planning to do anything more than watch the fun and be together. This way, your experience will be much less intimidating and she'll feel closer to you. If you take it slow, she just might be inclined to explore further. If all goes well the first time, try letting her decide which event and when she might like to try the next time.
3) Dispel your partner’s preconceptions ideas.
Your partner may warm up to the lifestyle a bit more if she enjoys viewing profiles of single guys with you, or attends a party with you at her side. She may find the closeness exciting and it may ignite your relationship. She may find the atmosphere of a swing club, the company attending and the attention she gets is exciting and realize that the stereotypes surrounding the lifestyle are often contrived. Attending a lifestyle event serves many purposes for first-timers or those who are otherwise timid of the initial experience. By doing so, she will be able to see, firsthand, the wonderful people that are involved in this. She will understand that many of these men are not depraved sexual predators, devoid of morals or socially inappropriate. Many who attend a lifestyle event see that these are just regular people like you...letting loose.
4) Do not expect too much too soon.
If you both opt to meet a single guy for a beverage or venture out to a function for the first time, don’t expect your significant other to do anything with anybody. Do not even allude to the possibility of such activity. The experience - in and of itself - will be a sensory overload without one’s partner expressing desire for action. Allow yourselves to take it all in and then discuss the experience after. If this is done the right way, she or he may want more. After all, this was the initial goal. To remain open to the possibility. Don't ruin it expecting too much too soon.
5) If your partner is not interested, show respect for that choice.
If your mate expresses that she or he is just not interested in experiencing a hotwife encounter, leave it at that. Tell her or him that if they would like to entertain the possibility, they can bring it up when they're ready. Remember point #1...Do not push! It will only make her or him feel insecure and lead to wonder why you want to do this so badly. Women are typically the more delicate creatures and tend to analyze men's motives. Communicate.
A special not for the guys: The best way to make her feel secure in entering the hotwife lifestyle is to reassure her that you love her, that she's beautiful, and that you are doing this - not to find something better but - to enhance your already wonderful love life. If she doesn't hear this reassurance regularly, she will most likely assume that she just isn't enough for you, and that is why you feel the desire to invite others in to your relationship.
It is perfectly healthy for one or both of you to determine that your relationship is not quite ready to handle any extracurricular activity yet. Ladies, the same goes for you if you are trying to involve your partner in this. Remember that even if the lifestyle is not in your future, you still have each other...and the fantasy of it may just be enough.