The second M's perspective in an MFM

We've compiled a list of reasons guys consider being part of an MFM encounter from the emails we've received. Thank you to all that responded. We thought the list would be insightful to couples that wonder what might be in the minds of some of these guys. Perhaps it will ease some of the tension you might be feeling about seeking out another man for your sacred bonds. Perhaps knowing what they might be thinking will help to know that not all these single (or married) guys are out there trying to corner your wife and steal her away from you. Most of the quality ones we've heard from can be summed up in one of the following categories.

Not wanting any commitments: A guy may not want to enter into a committed relationship with a woman for various reasons - even while having the obvious desires of sex. He may a) be in a relationship that he has little or no intention of leaving but not currently having the sex he desires within it; b) not yet over the loss of a previous relationship with a woman or; perhaps, c) has some personal goals that may be slowing or stopping him from entering into a committed relationship at this time. Yet he still wants some sexual fun. What better way than to seek out a committed couple that will have little interest in anything more expected of him than some fun?

Seeking Someone That Shares His Interests: He may desire to enter into a committed relationship with a woman but he is looking for a woman that has similar views, interests, and perspectives. Some guys have interests such as non-monogamy that are not practiced by the majority of society (at least, in an open and honest way). As one email male (huh?) put it "personally, I have been waiting for a woman that shares my interest. In the mean time, I still desire sex. So, no-strings-attached sex still fits the bill - even though I some day desire an emotional commitment with the right woman. What better way to gain insight into finding it than to be with a couple that already has found it?"

Pure and Simple. NSA: Sure many of these solo men can find this type of sex with other solo women. But it is tough to accomplish NSA sex with most because single women are still generally looking for Mister Right. Head games between singles occur and this is often not worth the trouble in many a man's mind. It is easier to find "NSA" sex with a woman that is already in a committed relationship. Attached women are less interested in playing games, and they certainly aren't desiring something more than some plain ole adult fun with the NSA male lover.

Less Risk of Disease: Happily married women that are faithful and honest, but openly enjoy consensual non-monogamy, are perceived as less likely to have STDs than a single woman who is non-monogamous and playing the field. Married women are just viewed as safer sexual partners. Sure condoms are protection. But there are still some things out there you can catch! Married, mostly monogamous, women are safer.

Social Taboos: Breaking the social taboo that married women should not enjoy sex with "another man" is exciting. Sex with a married woman is adventurous. Spontaneous, uncomplicated sex, as opposed to "love making" may have been lacking for a guy in his previous sexual experiences. In most cases, married women are looking for a bit of adventure and are more open about what they want in a sexual experience. After all, it is all about her, right?

Being the Man of Fantasy: Feeling as if you are a guy that is "the alpha male" or "fantasy material" is also very satisfying. While possibly an overstatement, guys imagine that women fantasize about threesomes or some "other man". Most every woman that experiments with a threesome, or with another man, has first fantasized about it many, many times. Being the guy that brings that reality to her can be quite the ego boost.

For the Enjoyment of Group Sex: This is related to Social Taboos, in the way that it is also fun to break the taboo of group sex. But a threesome has a thrill all its own. While it probably will not satisfy all a second man's sexual appetite, group sex is something that most people fantasize about or desire to include in their lifetime sexual experience.

Voyeurism and Exhibitionism: Some people receive great sexual satisfaction from watching or being watched. For others, this is a part of group sex that they may not have even considered. But being watched or watching another is something you don't get unless you are in a group setting (or publicly adventurous!). Breaking down that barrier of watching another man have sex with the same woman that you are can be a rush. Being watched, while scary for some, is exactly what drives others to their peak performance. As one guy put it, "You are, in a way, on a stage playing a leading role. While some might have stage fright, I love the thrill of performing for another."

The Woman of Lust: Some men are attracted to women with strong and healthy sex drives. Most men, whether they admit it or not, prefer lusty women over women that appear cold and not as sexual. This is not only for their own pleasure - in hopes of getting more sex - but it can literally be an admiration of sexually adventurous women. What better way to find an adventurous woman than seek out one that has already come to the understanding of a threesome and all it involves? Surely, there is a greater chance she will be more adventurous than a single girl that might come with all sorts of social acceptance hang-ups.

A More Satisfying Experience: Many women are attractive enough that most men will desire sex with them - even if, or perhaps even more so when, emotional connections are restricted. The woman may be physically attractive, be incredibly intelligent, or have a wonderful personality, but, typically, she is most desirable when a combination of these traits are present. So, even if a man knows without question that he will not form a relationship with her, he still feels that sex with her will be a satisfying experience. A women in a committed relationship just seems to get past the single-mindedness that she has to only be good-looking, intelligent or fun and combines these to be the total woman and more attractive in the overall.


So we hope this list explains some of the inner workings of the male mind that has an interest in being a third in an MFM encounter. Obviously, we aren't the experts on this and it isn't all encompassing but it really comes from a list we've compiled over the two plus years since we actively pursued other men in our fun. Perhaps some single guys out there will read this and it will make some sense to them. After all, there are many candidates out there but some times, quality men are lacking. Just take a look on one of the many sex connection websites. No, we aren't talking about cock size or egos but quality men that get "it". Maybe we'll inspire some of them to step out and seek out couples looking for fun. After all, you can never have too many candidates!

Which also has me thinking about our next hot topic...guys, what you should do if you are considering seeking out a couple. We'll work on that for perhaps the next month or so based on our experiences and what we've heard from other couples we've corresponded with over the past months and years and share it with you. Maybe, just maybe, we can help you learn a thing or two about what a couple seeks in a second man for their encounter.