A letter from a husband

We recently received a letter that I thought I'd post, anonymously, to our blog before we head out to spring break. Occasionally, I think I write a pretty good answer so I wanted to post what I wrote this wannabee husband of a hotwife:

His email went something like this:

Hi Rach and And,

I discovered your wonderful blog last week. Before this, I didn't know the difference between a hotwife lover and cuckold. For 3 years, I've harbored the hotwife fantasy, not knowing why I loved it so much.

I've started reading your blog from the beginning, really getting aroused imagining that it was my wife who was sharing a dance (and some tongue) with some young 20-something.

Rach, I must say you have a super bod. If my wife had a chest like yours, I would have to hole away the kids with the grandparents for a few days while I made love to her chest repeatedly. As for And, I hope to be in your shoes by the end of the year - that is, to have a hotwife who will fulfill my fantasies.

Great job on the blog. I would want to add my comments but I can only view your blog (via cutting and pasting to my email) at work. My wife just doesn't understand why or how I can see her with other men. And of course, your blog is a bit risque for my workplace.

Here is my response (which I was quite proud of since I've had writer's block the past few weeks! LOL)

Thank you for your message and I do apologize for taking so long to get back to you. We do get quite a bit of mail!

I was, like your wife, not understanding of what And wanted. I always questioned whether he wasn't wanting to have his own affair or perhaps open our marriage to other couples, groups or some sort of "lifestyle". It is only through constant, consistent communication that I was able to more fully understand his fantasy. It was also only when we began to "experiment" with the idea that I came to fully grasp that it was nothing more than what it was.

Women, I am sure you understand, are built differently than you men. For men, it is easier to separate love and sex. For most women, it is not such an easy thing to do. Important to your overall development of this fantasy is making her feel loved, respected and wanted. I think it is important from the standpoint that we are afraid that if we do harbor fantasies of having another man, that somehow, you'll look differently at us. That you'll say, see, you fucked another man, so what's wrong with me fucking another woman.

And has shown no desire to do so and I think it is important that you understand what your real desire is. For him, I've come to realize, it is more about seeing me as a sexual creature, opening my thinking and allowing me to more fully appreciate sex. I think it is important for you to present these same things if you are ever going to be successful in your quest for a hotwife...lol

Please do read more entries from our blog and you'll understand. You'll find many where we questioned and even stepped back from things. It was a long process, years really, and I don't think it is something you want to rush. After all, the trip is sometimes just as fun as getting there! Just because we've experienced this, twice now, doesn't mean that our journey is over. In fact, I can attest that having gained confidence in myself and in And's commitment to our relationship, the fun has just begun!

More reasons from a lover of wives

A couple weeks ago, we started to tell you one reader's perspective on what it is that motivates him to seek women of other men. We wanted to continue that discussion in hopes that other men might tell us what they most seek. Of course, we want reasons that are beyond the typical "I wanted to experience sex purely for the pleasure of it." or "To experience sex without having a deep commitment to the woman." These reasons to us are pretty superficial and don't really go beyond the pure lustful and physical needs. Here then are the remaining reasons our friend gave us.

I wish to be the subject of women's fantasies. This is something I realized early on after the first few meetings with my very first couple. I realized that it feels extremely uplifting to be the person that a woman fantasizes about. To be fantasy material is rare and it boosts my ego. It is simply very gratifying to know that a woman has fantasies about me. I enjoy feeling that I am sexually lusted. I just don't imagine a woman always feeling that way about her husband all the time. Sometimes, it is natural, that she lust after some other guy to which she does not have daily access. It is amazingly satisfying to be the very thought of fantasy material.

Think about it...on any of the adult personal sites like AFF, the most common people sought out are bisexual women, or couples with a bi-curious female. These are society's idea of the most common fantasy. But less popular, at least based on the number of posted ads, is the single male for the wife to experience. While I may only have an average endowment, I have other talents that fit the fantasy. I consider myself above average-looking, I am younger than most husbands and I am there purely for the pleasure of the wife. Feeling as though I was fantasy material in a somewhat uncommon fantasy feels wonderful. Feeling lusted after makes sex with a hotwife incredibly hot. What guy wouldn't feed off, and want to fulfill the desires of, this fantasy role.

I am not one that has ever been the type to always chase new pussy or post notches in the bedpost. But, that said, every woman is different. Sex with a new woman is likely to be unique in some way when compared to sex with a previous woman. So, experiencing sex with a new woman, involving a new couple, is very intriguing. It is a journey to be enjoyed. This is specially true if I am able to experience sex with the woman on more than one occasion.

Finally, I am a bit of a rebel. Not in some criminal sort of way but I am someone that likes to run counter to mainstream culture. I like to explore. I believe that the norms of our culture are not always the best journey (or the most accurate portrayal of a fulfilled life). I like to live out my own beliefs regardless of whether the majority of culture agrees with me. I don't do it only to be rebellious but I do feel a certain liberty in going my own way...in finding my own path...and in being a pioneer of sexual liberation.

That's a short and less-than-perfect way of explaining some of my perspectives.

In closing, I can say that a peom that is in sink with many times/themes in my life is Rebert E. Frost's peom, The Road Less Travelled. ............and that has made all the difference!

80% of men fantasize about a hotwife

Can this statistic be right? According to some 'experts' in the field as many as 80% of husbands fantasize about seeing or hearing about their wife having sex with another man.

Many of the fantasies contain some husbandly involvement - perhaps helping her dress for her night out with the girls, her date night, or rendevous. Most fantasies involve the wife telling the husband about her night out, the men with whom she flirted, from which she received phone numbers or with whom she danced. If she had a sexual encounter, the husband wants to hear the details. This excites him as it does her. In other fantasies, the husband may want greater involvement. Perhaps he wants to watch her as she moves about a bar catching men's eyes. He wants to watch her grind with her newfound interest on the dance floor before returning home to await her recollection of the night's events. Other men want even more involvement in the sexual encounters. They want to watch as their wife is kissed, touched and penetrated by another man. They may even want to join in - which goes beyond a simple hotwife and involves a MFM three way fantasy. The cuckhold husband may even go further in wanting to feel humiliated by his wife by having her tell him of his shortcomings and pathetic state.

Many women are initially startled or uncomfortable with this fantasy. With the knowledge that her husband wants her to flirt, make out or have sex with another man can come feelings of doubt about his love for her. She may feel an obligation to become a hotwife to satisfy his fantasy. While, intitially, it may not be her fantasy, many wives find out how excited they become once they experience the freedom and attention of men other than their husband. The experience often gives women a higher sense of self and the feelings of attractiveness may lead to further exploration.

Communication, trust and a marriage on a solid foundation are requisites if you are thinking about or discussing a hotwife relationship. It may take years of talking about it before any action is taken. It may take only a few conversations. You may find that it is simply a fantasy best left as that and not something you want to act on - at least now. Whatever your perspective, we'd love to hear your questions, your experiences or just your two cents on the subject.

Intrigued with the Erotic Personalities responses

Today, I am sitting at the airport awaiting a delayed flight that will take me home. I am hoping to get home in time to allow us to go out and celebrate St Patty's at our favorite local Irish Pub. Perhaps Rach will go along with some flirty fun while we are out tonight and make the men there green with envy!

I know I haven't posted in some time and I was looking at the results of our latest poll - Our Erotic Personalities (see below). I was was not too surprised at the results.

The Cuckold was about clearly in the lead. I guess if you write about the Hotwife lifestyle, that only makes sense. It also wasn't any real big surprise that 'The Watcher' was the second most named personality:

The Watcher finds ultimate sexual thrills in the simple act of watching. They don’t have to be watching sex—just anything that hints at being sexual. The Watcher is content to see people undress, kiss, fondle, masturbate, spank, get tied up, and whatever else might be construed as sexual. Listening to people making love in the next room would not bother The Watcher in the least. They are compelled to watch whether permission has been granted or not and this is sometimes a blurry line they straddle. The Watcher typically owns an impressive porn collection. Prior lovers who didn’t understand The Watcher may have complained that the watching overruled the participating in some sexual circumstances.

I actually thought The Watcher described me and I haven't quite figured out where I went wrong. I say that lightly because, as I've said before, I don't really like defining myself as a Cuckold. To me, that has always had a bit of a negative connotation reminding me of something involving humiliation. I don't know, perhaps I've just watched too much bad porn where the poor guy is humiliated while his wife/lover tells him what "a nice cock the guy has...better than yours...he can fuck me like you can't...." and I've just not subscribed to that. While some of those thoughts may be in my head somewhere, to me, it is more about Rach experiencing new sexual encounters - good ones of course and perhaps even thoughts of giving her something I can't - but not necessarily better or some attempt to make up for my own personal insecurities. I just want her to feel and be sexy. Allowing her to flirt and experience other men definitely makes her more confronting of her appearance and the increased confidence she has gain has, in turn, made her feel and act more sexy than ever before.

I think, for me, it is having the sexy, hot wife that I find intriguing. I don't go so far as to call her a trophy, but I definitely feel blessed that I have a wife so physically stunning. I want others to know what a gorgeous woman she is. Not only is she incredibly intellingent, sexy and beautiful, she is erotic and desirous of sexual adventure and experiences. To have such a wife, in my mind, makes me the envy of men everywhere. While they might have a chance at a brief encounter with her, it is ultimately me who ends up going home with her. Somewhere in my mind, that is what I derive a great deal of pleasure in. Perhaps it is an ego boost for me...being the guy that everyone says, "Damn, that guy is one lucky SOB". Of course, I do find great pleasure in simply watching Rach have erotic fun. To see her in the throws of a mind-blowing orgasm with another man, albeit just one at this point, is quite exciting and the ultimate in erotic fantasy come true. It is this combination, boosting my ego and seeing her sexually liberated and intrigued that makes me The Watcher - even if my poll results say I am a Cuckold!

The hotwife perspective from a lover of wives Part 1

Sorry we've been away for a couple weeks. Life keeps us busy, ya know? LOL

We receive quite a bit of email from friends of our blog. One of the people we've been communicating with is a man that, I think it is safe to say, is a lover of other men's wives. We've had some conversations with him about what it is that motivates or causes a single guy to explore having a relationship with a couple. Primarily, and naturally, the focus of his reasons are on the woman in the relationship - something I think is central to the theme of having a hot wife. It's all about her.

He attempts to explain to us some of the main motives that he has felt when having sex with a married woman while her husband was either watching or participating. Originally, I know that he wanted to elaborate on this topic and write a small article for us to print. However, like us, life has been busy and he has not found the time to expand. So, here, over the next few postings, is a short list of what intrigues him about having sex with a hotwife.

I really admire women that are sexually liberal - women that think outside of the box when it comes to sex. This is a healthy and friendly admiration. It excites me and ultimately fuels my desire to experience sex with such a woman. Openly accepting some form of non-monogamy is not mainstream. So, when a woman openly accepts it, it shows that she is willing to explore her sexuality and human sexuality in general.

When I say openly, I don't necessarily mean "with everyone's knowledge" but certainly with the knowledge and consent of her partner. From what I have read in the book The Monogamy Myth and books by Helen Fisher like Why We Love, humans are socially monogamous but not sexually monogamous. Being sexually monogamous is simply part of most modern cultures. So, when a woman is interested in exploring some form of non-monogamy - be it as a hotwife, in a swinging encounter or in a polyamorous relationship - I feel an interest in talking to her and understanding her more. I feel a desire to experience sex with her. Basically, women that are into these forms of consensual, non-monogamous sex turn me on. This was not always apparent to me, but I do believe that it has always been a motivating factor for me.

Just as I have an interest in women that are non-monogamous, I have an interest in friendship with couples that are sexually open-minded. Basically, even just talking and visiting with such a couple is exciting to me, even if things do not lead to sex.

Both of these first two reasons are reasons that have become apparent to me much more recently. They were not reasons that I fully comprehended early on in my experiences.

Initially, I was simply aware that I was sexually excited by the idea of having sex with an "older woman". I have wanted to experience this "cougar" experience since I was a high school student. So, to me, a woman in her thirties or forties was always someone that had a mysterious draw. It was certainly a motivating factor for me during my first few experiences. I still see women older than 30 as being sexually mature, experienced and in touch with their bodies. Simply put, to me they are quite beautiful and sexy in many, many ways beyond the pure physical.

Have an opinion or want to share a view point about what makes a single man want to be involved with a committed couple? Or perhaps you are a husband or boyfriend of a love that you'd like to see with another man. Maybe you are a committed couple that is looking to experience a second male in your relationship. Whatever your perspective, we'd love to hear your comments. It helps us all learn more about ourselves and what makes us desire a hotwife relationship so much!