The second M's perspective in an MFM

We've compiled a list of reasons guys consider being part of an MFM encounter from the emails we've received. Thank you to all that responded. We thought the list would be insightful to couples that wonder what might be in the minds of some of these guys. Perhaps it will ease some of the tension you might be feeling about seeking out another man for your sacred bonds. Perhaps knowing what they might be thinking will help to know that not all these single (or married) guys are out there trying to corner your wife and steal her away from you. Most of the quality ones we've heard from can be summed up in one of the following categories.

Not wanting any commitments: A guy may not want to enter into a committed relationship with a woman for various reasons - even while having the obvious desires of sex. He may a) be in a relationship that he has little or no intention of leaving but not currently having the sex he desires within it; b) not yet over the loss of a previous relationship with a woman or; perhaps, c) has some personal goals that may be slowing or stopping him from entering into a committed relationship at this time. Yet he still wants some sexual fun. What better way than to seek out a committed couple that will have little interest in anything more expected of him than some fun?

Seeking Someone That Shares His Interests: He may desire to enter into a committed relationship with a woman but he is looking for a woman that has similar views, interests, and perspectives. Some guys have interests such as non-monogamy that are not practiced by the majority of society (at least, in an open and honest way). As one email male (huh?) put it "personally, I have been waiting for a woman that shares my interest. In the mean time, I still desire sex. So, no-strings-attached sex still fits the bill - even though I some day desire an emotional commitment with the right woman. What better way to gain insight into finding it than to be with a couple that already has found it?"

Pure and Simple. NSA: Sure many of these solo men can find this type of sex with other solo women. But it is tough to accomplish NSA sex with most because single women are still generally looking for Mister Right. Head games between singles occur and this is often not worth the trouble in many a man's mind. It is easier to find "NSA" sex with a woman that is already in a committed relationship. Attached women are less interested in playing games, and they certainly aren't desiring something more than some plain ole adult fun with the NSA male lover.

Less Risk of Disease: Happily married women that are faithful and honest, but openly enjoy consensual non-monogamy, are perceived as less likely to have STDs than a single woman who is non-monogamous and playing the field. Married women are just viewed as safer sexual partners. Sure condoms are protection. But there are still some things out there you can catch! Married, mostly monogamous, women are safer.

Social Taboos: Breaking the social taboo that married women should not enjoy sex with "another man" is exciting. Sex with a married woman is adventurous. Spontaneous, uncomplicated sex, as opposed to "love making" may have been lacking for a guy in his previous sexual experiences. In most cases, married women are looking for a bit of adventure and are more open about what they want in a sexual experience. After all, it is all about her, right?

Being the Man of Fantasy: Feeling as if you are a guy that is "the alpha male" or "fantasy material" is also very satisfying. While possibly an overstatement, guys imagine that women fantasize about threesomes or some "other man". Most every woman that experiments with a threesome, or with another man, has first fantasized about it many, many times. Being the guy that brings that reality to her can be quite the ego boost.

For the Enjoyment of Group Sex: This is related to Social Taboos, in the way that it is also fun to break the taboo of group sex. But a threesome has a thrill all its own. While it probably will not satisfy all a second man's sexual appetite, group sex is something that most people fantasize about or desire to include in their lifetime sexual experience.

Voyeurism and Exhibitionism: Some people receive great sexual satisfaction from watching or being watched. For others, this is a part of group sex that they may not have even considered. But being watched or watching another is something you don't get unless you are in a group setting (or publicly adventurous!). Breaking down that barrier of watching another man have sex with the same woman that you are can be a rush. Being watched, while scary for some, is exactly what drives others to their peak performance. As one guy put it, "You are, in a way, on a stage playing a leading role. While some might have stage fright, I love the thrill of performing for another."

The Woman of Lust: Some men are attracted to women with strong and healthy sex drives. Most men, whether they admit it or not, prefer lusty women over women that appear cold and not as sexual. This is not only for their own pleasure - in hopes of getting more sex - but it can literally be an admiration of sexually adventurous women. What better way to find an adventurous woman than seek out one that has already come to the understanding of a threesome and all it involves? Surely, there is a greater chance she will be more adventurous than a single girl that might come with all sorts of social acceptance hang-ups.

A More Satisfying Experience: Many women are attractive enough that most men will desire sex with them - even if, or perhaps even more so when, emotional connections are restricted. The woman may be physically attractive, be incredibly intelligent, or have a wonderful personality, but, typically, she is most desirable when a combination of these traits are present. So, even if a man knows without question that he will not form a relationship with her, he still feels that sex with her will be a satisfying experience. A women in a committed relationship just seems to get past the single-mindedness that she has to only be good-looking, intelligent or fun and combines these to be the total woman and more attractive in the overall.


So we hope this list explains some of the inner workings of the male mind that has an interest in being a third in an MFM encounter. Obviously, we aren't the experts on this and it isn't all encompassing but it really comes from a list we've compiled over the two plus years since we actively pursued other men in our fun. Perhaps some single guys out there will read this and it will make some sense to them. After all, there are many candidates out there but some times, quality men are lacking. Just take a look on one of the many sex connection websites. No, we aren't talking about cock size or egos but quality men that get "it". Maybe we'll inspire some of them to step out and seek out couples looking for fun. After all, you can never have too many candidates!

Which also has me thinking about our next hot topic...guys, what you should do if you are considering seeking out a couple. We'll work on that for perhaps the next month or so based on our experiences and what we've heard from other couples we've corresponded with over the past months and years and share it with you. Maybe, just maybe, we can help you learn a thing or two about what a couple seeks in a second man for their encounter.

Finally - a photo of And

So I said some time back that I was going to post a photo of And. I didn't do it then because I thought that most of our readers were male. The deal was that if we had more couples than single guys reading our blog, I'd post a photo showing you a bit of him. Well, I bent the rules a bit and told And that the bet was couples AND single women or women couples. My real bet was that there were as many women readers as men. So, okay, I still lost. I guess in the end, And was right. There are more men interested in reading about this life choice versus single women and couples combined.

But that really wasn't the surprise. After I showed And the new photos that I had posted at Eroticy.com I told him that I felt like we should put a photo of him on the site as well. I thought it was only fair since he has been so desirous of putting my photos on here. Plus, I think you all should see at least something of the most wonderful man in the whole world - getting his favorite treat, don't you?

So after two years of blogging, here is your first glance at my man. My only problem with this is that it isn't the most flattering photo of me. Admittedly, I look....gawd. This photo was the result of finally having a time with our married friend (our photographer and third for the time...LOL) I hope you enjoy him at least! LOL Isn't he sexy?

Where Have We Been? Well, having fun with a Married Guy!

It's been almost a month since our last post and boy, do we feel guilty. Okay, not really...LOL.

The more we've experienced, the less we've found time to keep up with what has happened. It's funny really, after we've broken through some taboo barriers, we really feel free and not as inclined to necessarily write about them. It also seems we've been viewed less, commented on less frequently and spammed more! Perhaps now that we are officially a hotwife couple, people are less inclined to read our story. In any case, I know we'll get back on the blog train and address some of these issues, but here is a recap of what we've been up to in the past few weeks.

We've seen our married friend a couple times now and had some great, hot fun. It is interesting to me as I know Rach really struggled with the idea that he was married and his spouse didn't know. However, I think we both understand his situation a lot better now and as long as he is comfortable with what he is doing, we don't have any hang ups about it. In many ways, it is more comforting to know that he is married.

First, he isn't someone that is going to try to step in or on our relationship. It is simply sexual fun to him (and us) and there is no cause for alarm that he'll want more. I started to get the feeling that Jon, bless his heart, wanted a bit more of Rach's time than we wanted. He'd call her to see what was up. He'd make comments about getting together and seemed anxious for our next liason. It wasn't to the point of discomfort but did raise our guard just a bit.

Secondly, he is a bit older and, how do we say this politely without making him sound old, experienced? self-aware? wiser? (ooh that last one always sounds old doesn't it...LOL). He is only a few years older. Our age really, for all intents and purposes but he does "get it". The single guys we've been attracted to (no, I am straight. When I say attracted, I mean intrigued by their looks and profile) are typically a bit younger than us. Many times, we start to have conversations with them and the age difference, even if it is only a few years, starts to really become obvious. Men, me being one of them, are less mature for their age than women. Guys in their 20's, while having great bodies a lot of the time, just don't seem to "get it". They tend to come off as smart asses a lot more. Cocky, perhaps is a good word. Honestly, I think if we look for another single guy, he might be well into his 30's.

Third, I am beginning to wonder if married guys have a better understanding of pleasuring a woman. I mean, they get to intimately know a woman's body - being married to one....LOL...and seem to have an idea of how to please a woman. The single men we've talked to seem more into themselves and less into making Rach the center of attention. Not that we've gone down this path too far with most of them but it just seems that they are more self-centered and when that becomes obvious (and sometimes when it starts to show and we both sense it) they don't get any further. The married guys we've talked with seem more patient and more willing to let this happen on our schedule.

This is not to say that we don't see some draw backs to married guys. One is the obvious, what if he is caught. But I think weeding through some of these to understand that perhaps she knows on some level and has come to accept it, that the guy would own up to it and not include us in his drama and learning more about the situation he is in and even empathisizing on some level, has made us comfortable with this.

The other draw back is that he isn't always as free. This is where the single guys, well Jon this far, has an advantage. He has no one to worry about scheduling around and having fun with an attached guy has posed a small issue thus far. Nothing too dramatic with the proper planning and advanced notice. In fact, if you've read our blog for some time (and that number seems to be dropping daily...LOL) you will see that we actually began talking with him over six months ago. Part of the reason we took so long is to get over our own concerns but the other part was ensuring that he had some free time to play.

Anyway, he is a great guy. I was more drawn to Jon having some fun with us for some time but as time went on, this guy seemed to really get it. To be honest, I am not sure that he wouldn't have been better for the first one (Jon, if you are reading this, that's not to say you aren't a great guy and weren't a great first for us!) As I said, he just seems to get it better.

Other than that what have we been up to? Well, we went to Vegas, visited a strip club, had some fun with a stripper after she was done for the night (just some playful fun at another club between Rach and her really) and had a great time with just the two of us. We've also met a couple new guys for drinks. No play with them yet but perhaps something in the works with one shortly. Oh, and yes, they are both married as well.